I can see clearly now, the rain is gone...

well maybe not all the way gone.

But I am in much better spirits, thanks for all the prayers. I have actually made it through the first day and a half here at Upaya- my Zen retreat.

I will stay the entire time, this much I know now.

I have sat in meditation for a total of 5 hours so far. I cannot believe I am actually doing it.

It is wild how after such a short bit I just fell into this life...(I believe this happened because of all the prayers being sent my way) I wake up at 6:15 or so and go directly to the temple for zazen (meditation) for and hour. Next is breakfast, which open with a community circle and prayer and is eaten entirely in silence. Since I am on clean up for breakfast I stay and help clean the kitchen. After that we clean the temple and then it is four more hours of cleaning..today it was the River House, the main house and the palce where all meals are eaten.
After that I sit again for anther 40 minutes and then off to prayer and lunch where the first ten minutes are in silence. Then I am free...so I will go for a walk, then it is time to sit again at 5:30 for another hour. Again prayer then dinner which is also in silence for the first ten minutes. Then I am free again until bedtime.

Then I get up and do it all over again. I am trying to practice being in the now...but I did draw a calendar and I am X-ing off the days as they pass. Well at least the one day that has passed so far.

Okay the food...

It is really not all that bad. Some of it is not anything I would make or order but surpisingly I am making it through okay. Small portions adn never seconds....and NO desserts. I am actually blown away by the fact that I do not miss coffee ( the lunch cook today offered me a cup on the down low, which I respectfully declined HA surprised aren't ya!) or sugar.
I am more interested in fitting back inot my true religion jeans that food...I pray to God and Buddah that it stays like this for me for the rest of my life.


Now the people...

I have three roomates, all of whom I like. Two of them are my daughters age..(Hear that Nik???)
One has been here for five months...she is from wealthy NYC parents and is on her way to Harvard Divinity School. She is sweet.

The other is here on a grant for her summer break from college. She is really nice as welll and is majoring in religion.

The third is here as a "resident" so she will be here for at least a year. I really like her as well. This is her second time her as a resident. She left for a while, but found the world to brutal of a place these days so she returned to Upaya which she now refers to as home. I can get it.

I miss my life and everyone it back home. However I know I did the right thing in coming here. Thank you hottie husband, little sister and the rest of the team holding the fort down in my absence. I believe with all my heart that this is a magical place, ( it ain't easy, but magical none the less) and that I will be a better person, wife, mom, and team member when I return home.

Oh one more thing... I think I might very well be done with my Cancer-courtship too. In fact, when I get home I would like to be treated as if I never even dated Cancer. The kid gloves can come off now family.

Oh and so far...I do NOT think I would be AS happy with out all my "things". On my walk yesterday I saw some really cool sprakly, glittery things just passing by the windows. I plan on
picking up whatever I fall in love with at the end of this Zenitude. I am however happy at this moment.

Okay I am off to cut one of my roomates hair....what can I say they love me too!!!


Peace, love and lots of glitter.

Lotus girl

P.S. KW thanks for the hot pink gardening gloves. Sorry I missed you and them, but I am sure the new and improved me will put them to good use when I get home. Especially cause we are unplugging the cable when I get back. You are a doll to have thought of me. See you when I get home.