Are you awake in your life?

Today has bee a little rough for me. I really miss home. The days ahead seem looming and home seems far far away. I talked to a lot of my family yesterday, and that just made me miss everyone even more. But today is July 1st which means I only have 28 more days to be here.


I am keeping busy as best I can. Today I was a gardener. Boy I wish I could see some of your faces when you read that one. There are tons of bugs here...HUGE beetles that look like cockroaches. Plus I saw yet another snake. You can only imagine my experience. Breathe, just keep breathing.

Thursday and Friday will be my first two days off. That means I will only have to sit one time, (my choice) in the day. Sleeping in is impossible with four other girls getting up and getting ready to go and sit. Plus without the work to keep me occupied I have to find an alternative to filling my day. Most likely I will wonder about town and visit some sights and take some photos.

I miss coffee a lot. In fact that is the thing I miss the most, besides my family.

The sitting is very difficult. My back and my left hip are in so much pain. But I have to sit so I have to be with the pain. On the days when the pain isn't so bad I really enjoy the sits. I can see the value in them.

There is a group here called METTA. They are comprised of people facing terminal illness, mostly cancer.
I got a brief glimpse of the circle and there was a woman in it that was wearing a wig and in a wheel chair. This pushed a huge button for me as I trip out at times that people have to leave this life in that manner. Of course fear overtakes me that maybe one day Cancer might choose to be in relationship with me again and that I was glimpsing at my future. I simply do not think I could face that. Then my next thought is what other choice would I have??? I guess that is why I came here in the first place. I guess that is one of the reasons I am sitting.

I feel for my family though in the event that I should find myself in her position. I felt for the gentleman that was pushing her wheel chair. I wondered which one had the worse end of the deal?

On the upside of seeing her, I realize how precious every moment we have with one another is. How trivial and foolish it is to waste those moments. It makes me think of all the time wasted arguing with one another, watching T.V., avoiding intimacy, and keeping ourselves separate from one another with judgements, incorrect perceptions and fear.

I imagine that all those little sayings like "live like today is your last", and " life is short, don't waste it" take on a whole new meaning for her. Her goodbyes where clearly not to far off in the horizon.

It really makes me wonder why it is so hard to wake up in this life, to realize what is truly important and to act from that realization. Then once you do wake up it is even harder to stay awake. I would bet dollars to doughnuts that the woman in the wheel chair would take any of our mundane moments in our lives and turn them into a celebration given the chance.

Seeing her makes me want to live more full...more awake...everyday.

Sending all my love with a sprinkle of glitter,
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