Okay, I am in a much better frame of mind today...however my thoughts about personal hygiene in the last post still stand.
I am finished with the work practice (samu) for the day...today it was dishes. And when I say dishes I mean dishes...for 70 people. I was so tired this morning I did not want to go to zazen, but off I went. (see Nik everyone has to do things that they do not want to do, but in doing them, in keeping one's word, character is built, integrity is lived, life is better.)
My hands are whooped...I cannot wait to get off of this mountain. I miss ALL of the luxuries I have at home. However, the trade off has been worth it. I learned something about myself yesterday. Through all this meditation I have finally learned to just "sit" back and watch myself. I no longer am acting out, or indulging, every thought. If I were I would have left this place ten seconds after having arrived. I am even doing better with the changes in my hair and body.
I believe that I understand why Jeanine...my healer and angel told me that if I came here I would never have to worry about my health again. The things about one's thoughts is that they are either remembering the past or planning or freaking out about the future. NOW, THIS MOMENT is where it is at baby...that's all she wrote, that is all she ever wrote.
That said, I still am very judgemental....I like this person, I do not like that person. Upaya would be more efficient if it ran this way instead of that way, yuck, dirty feet...who does she think she is? I am sooo glad I am not her, thank Buddha I never wanted to be a hippie girl. Please for God's sake and mine, ( and probably poor Buddha's too) put out that stinky incense...( little sister you would pass out...they burn it every where here and I cannot stand it. I hope I can get the smell off of me before coming home.I thought I was going to pass out from it in this early ass morning's meditation...of course it blew right over to my nauseated nostrils...I still can't believe I didn't hurl all over Roshi ( the priest) herself.) and lastly, but for sure not the least...get some sparkles and glitter going on around this dreary, dry place.
Most of those judgements I do believe I am perfectly right about...hey, I never said I was perfect yet.
Okay , I am off to go for my daily run/hike. Can't wait to see your smiling faces.....but in the meantime all I have is now.
Much love and many sparkles to you,
lotus girl
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