I will be home soon and I must say that I am specifically different returning to you.
It is difficult to explain the differences.
Last night a young man left Upaya. He had been here as a Resident, which means he lived here for a year. It happened to be the 19th year of his life. Can you imagine living here from 19 to 20?...3 sits daily...so much silence. It is a beautiful thing. Anyway, the Resident body, and Roshi all took him out to a farewell dinner, and they invited me to go along.
As dinner came to close everyone took their turn at acknowledging this young man. Including me.
The residents had many beautiful things to say to him with regard to his growth over the past year. It was clear that a deep love had developed with all of them during the course of the year.
Watching he and Roshi hug goodbye for the last time was like seeing into the eyes of pure love...no joke. I admire and respect Roshi more than words could ever express. It is in her space that the creation of Uapaya happened. It was told to me that she has a saying, "Soft Front, Strong Back." Clearly she lives it.
Later, I asked one of the Residents, "How do you endure these intense goodbyes?" and she relplied, "They always leave a piece of themselves here."
During this dinner at least six people asked me to stay longer, and to promise to come back. As dinner was going on I looked up at the long table filled with now familiar faces to me and was moved to tears. I was asked to come back and celebrate my Five year break-up date with Cancer. They assured me that they would throw a "big party" for me...in honor of my health.
They must have thanked me a million times for the haircuts that I had given them...I have never seen gratitude more raw.
As the evening unfolded two things occurred to me. First, on my daily walks into town I inevitably passed a Upaya member driving by me. They would always smile and wave big to acknowledge me. Funny, I thought how I am so far away from my home, yet people recognize me on the street and make it a point to wave. I have community. Secondly, as I looked into these faces surrounding the table I realized that my family is far bigger than I had ever imagined. You can only wonder at my surprise at this thought given my many judgements since coming here, and truth be told, always. I now understand "there is no seperation" like an experience.
It was a warm and wonderful evening filled with laughter and love and acknowledgement for one another. I have not felt this rich and peaceful in a very long time.
This morning I got to awake slowly as it is my day off. I reached for "A COURSE IN MIRACLES" and ask God to show me what I need to see. I opened the book to a lesson called
"Attainment of the Real World".
here is a piece of that passage...
"Sit quietly and look upon the world you see, and tell yourself, "The real world is not like this...It is not lit with artificial light, and night comes not upon it. There is no day that brightens and grows dim. There is no loss. Nothing is there but shines, and shines forever".
That is when I realized that Upaya has lead me to discover a glitter that I had not yet come upon in my life. That it had given me a small glimpse into the real world. In it's comparison, all other glitters seem just a bit dull.
See what I mean about the changes being difficult to explain?
May peace be below you, may peace be above you, may peace be around you.
lotus girl.
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