I was in zazen (meditation) this morning and Roshi (the priest) was guiding us. Normally this does not happen but there is a retreat here on Death and Dying, (how perfect for me and my death obsession huh?). Anyway she said something that I thought was profound and very powerful.
During the meditation she was bringing our attention to our breath and she said" Notice your breath, your life hinges on it. Be with it. " I thought to myself WOW she is so right, my life does hinge on it.
In all the years, (and there have been many) that I have kept a gratitude journal I never once wrote an entry that I was grateful for my breath. During my sit I said a prayer of gratitude for my breath, the breath of my HH, my son, his girlfriend, my daughter, her boyfriend, my sister, her boyfriend, my brother, my father, and all of you. Without our breath this life would not be possible. And a glorious life it is.
Then I came across the following with regard to thought.(feelings)...(check out yesterday's entry) this is from the book "How to Solve Our Human Problems" ( this book is available at the Buddhist temple in Ballard BTW)
" When we identify with our feelings we make them bigger and more solid than what they are"
Nik, that was especially for you.... the "pressure" you spoke of the other day is nothing more than a feeling...a thought. It is NOT who you are. When you can separate yourself from it you will begin to gain and then master power over it. You begin to separate yourself by sitting daily. Hopefully we can share this practice when I come home.
Finally, one of my roommates is a hospice worker that does in-home and facility care for the sick and dying. She was sharing with me how she does this work from a rather selfish point of view. I ask her what she meant by that and she said " the dying see far more clearly that the living."
I ask if she could give me an example of what she meant. She told me the story of a man that had no legs, and who was arthritic. She said his hands were curled up into balls. One day when she went to visit him he was sitting looking out of the window. She ask him what he was looking at, and he replied, "The clouds. Have you ever really looked at the clouds?, I wish I could paint them. " Turns out he was an artist. He no longer had the use of his hands. He shared with her that he never thought his life would end up like it did...basically a torso, living in assisted care, all alone. Yet he sang a song for her... had a gift to give, shared himself from his heart.
In reality he was a lot more of a human being than most...even some of Zen-experts I have met here, (more on that later).
I ask that the next time you look up at the clouds, offer up a prayer for our brother the artist with the big heart.
I bow to you in gratitude,
lotus girl
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
just sittin' back watching myself...
Okay, I am in a much better frame of mind today...however my thoughts about personal hygiene in the last post still stand.
I am finished with the work practice (samu) for the day...today it was dishes. And when I say dishes I mean dishes...for 70 people. I was so tired this morning I did not want to go to zazen, but off I went. (see Nik everyone has to do things that they do not want to do, but in doing them, in keeping one's word, character is built, integrity is lived, life is better.)
My hands are whooped...I cannot wait to get off of this mountain. I miss ALL of the luxuries I have at home. However, the trade off has been worth it. I learned something about myself yesterday. Through all this meditation I have finally learned to just "sit" back and watch myself. I no longer am acting out, or indulging, every thought. If I were I would have left this place ten seconds after having arrived. I am even doing better with the changes in my hair and body.
I believe that I understand why Jeanine...my healer and angel told me that if I came here I would never have to worry about my health again. The things about one's thoughts is that they are either remembering the past or planning or freaking out about the future. NOW, THIS MOMENT is where it is at baby...that's all she wrote, that is all she ever wrote.
That said, I still am very judgemental....I like this person, I do not like that person. Upaya would be more efficient if it ran this way instead of that way, yuck, dirty feet...who does she think she is? I am sooo glad I am not her, thank Buddha I never wanted to be a hippie girl. Please for God's sake and mine, ( and probably poor Buddha's too) put out that stinky incense...( little sister you would pass out...they burn it every where here and I cannot stand it. I hope I can get the smell off of me before coming home.I thought I was going to pass out from it in this early ass morning's meditation...of course it blew right over to my nauseated nostrils...I still can't believe I didn't hurl all over Roshi ( the priest) herself.) and lastly, but for sure not the least...get some sparkles and glitter going on around this dreary, dry place.
Most of those judgements I do believe I am perfectly right about...hey, I never said I was perfect yet.
Okay , I am off to go for my daily run/hike. Can't wait to see your smiling faces.....but in the meantime all I have is now.
Much love and many sparkles to you,
lotus girl
I am finished with the work practice (samu) for the day...today it was dishes. And when I say dishes I mean dishes...for 70 people. I was so tired this morning I did not want to go to zazen, but off I went. (see Nik everyone has to do things that they do not want to do, but in doing them, in keeping one's word, character is built, integrity is lived, life is better.)
My hands are whooped...I cannot wait to get off of this mountain. I miss ALL of the luxuries I have at home. However, the trade off has been worth it. I learned something about myself yesterday. Through all this meditation I have finally learned to just "sit" back and watch myself. I no longer am acting out, or indulging, every thought. If I were I would have left this place ten seconds after having arrived. I am even doing better with the changes in my hair and body.
I believe that I understand why Jeanine...my healer and angel told me that if I came here I would never have to worry about my health again. The things about one's thoughts is that they are either remembering the past or planning or freaking out about the future. NOW, THIS MOMENT is where it is at baby...that's all she wrote, that is all she ever wrote.
That said, I still am very judgemental....I like this person, I do not like that person. Upaya would be more efficient if it ran this way instead of that way, yuck, dirty feet...who does she think she is? I am sooo glad I am not her, thank Buddha I never wanted to be a hippie girl. Please for God's sake and mine, ( and probably poor Buddha's too) put out that stinky incense...( little sister you would pass out...they burn it every where here and I cannot stand it. I hope I can get the smell off of me before coming home.I thought I was going to pass out from it in this early ass morning's meditation...of course it blew right over to my nauseated nostrils...I still can't believe I didn't hurl all over Roshi ( the priest) herself.) and lastly, but for sure not the least...get some sparkles and glitter going on around this dreary, dry place.
Most of those judgements I do believe I am perfectly right about...hey, I never said I was perfect yet.
Okay , I am off to go for my daily run/hike. Can't wait to see your smiling faces.....but in the meantime all I have is now.
Much love and many sparkles to you,
lotus girl
Friday, July 11, 2008
What's up with the self-rightousness dirty girls here?
Today I am just making this whole place wrong, wrong, wrong! I really no longer want to be here.
I am so over the righteousness of the dirty girls here. There is a retreat going on here for caregivers of the dying, and I have never seen such FUNKY, DIRTY, NASTY TOES! Why is it women deny themselves the simplest things in life like good hygiene. I do not understand how one can care for anyone if one's personal hygiene is funk!
Plus there is this covert make wrong of any one that has money...like one girl said " I don't like the culture of Santa Fe, all the money..."
What the f&*^ is wrong with money. Not like it is my god or anything but I like money, I like having money, I love the thought of having more money than I could ever spend in a lifetime...cause then I could really make a difference in the world...plus buy whatever my little glittery heart desired. What is so WRONG with that?
In addition, I had work practice with a gay Buddhist priest ( translation shaved head) and a woman that has had a breast removed and passed on reconstruction. She said to me "Oh your the hair lady" and I said yes...the conversation then progressed to how she lost her hair during chemo and could not understand why women are so attached. She is not even attached to her breasts as she is not defined by them.
I kept my mouth shut....
WHATEVER! I feel for any woman that has to loose either her hair or her breast.....I get the attachment.
This woman actually lead groups for newly diagnosed breast cancer patients. No friggin' wonder I have never gone to a group like that.
God help me... time can't fly fast enough for me.
deep in the mud,
lotus girl
I am so over the righteousness of the dirty girls here. There is a retreat going on here for caregivers of the dying, and I have never seen such FUNKY, DIRTY, NASTY TOES! Why is it women deny themselves the simplest things in life like good hygiene. I do not understand how one can care for anyone if one's personal hygiene is funk!
Plus there is this covert make wrong of any one that has money...like one girl said " I don't like the culture of Santa Fe, all the money..."
What the f&*^ is wrong with money. Not like it is my god or anything but I like money, I like having money, I love the thought of having more money than I could ever spend in a lifetime...cause then I could really make a difference in the world...plus buy whatever my little glittery heart desired. What is so WRONG with that?
In addition, I had work practice with a gay Buddhist priest ( translation shaved head) and a woman that has had a breast removed and passed on reconstruction. She said to me "Oh your the hair lady" and I said yes...the conversation then progressed to how she lost her hair during chemo and could not understand why women are so attached. She is not even attached to her breasts as she is not defined by them.
I kept my mouth shut....
WHATEVER! I feel for any woman that has to loose either her hair or her breast.....I get the attachment.
This woman actually lead groups for newly diagnosed breast cancer patients. No friggin' wonder I have never gone to a group like that.
God help me... time can't fly fast enough for me.
deep in the mud,
lotus girl
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Dharma Talks...
A Dharma talk is when we sit around and have a conversation that takes a look at a Zen way of being so to speak...teachings on the path so to speak.
Last night was my first and it started with the following poem:
Saint Francis And The Sow
by Galway Kinnel
The bud
stands for all things,
even those things that don't flower,
for everything flowers from within, of self-blessing;
though sometimes it is necessary
to reteach a thing its loveliness,
to put a hand on its brow
of the flower
and retell it in words and in touch
it is lovely
until it flowers again from within, of self blessing;
as St. Francis
put his hand on the creased forehead
of the sow, and told her in words and in touch
blessings of earth on the sow, and the sow
began remembering all down her thick length,
from the earthen snout all the way
through the fodder and slops to the spiritual curl of
the tail,
from the hard spininess spiked out from the spine
down through the great broken heart
to the blue milken dreaminess spurting and shuddering
from all fourteen teats into the fourteen mouths sucking
and blowing beneath them:
the long, perfect loveliness of sow.
Beautiful huh? But more importantly the message of self- blessing is such a necessary one in our world today. Something that we could all use a bit more of in this world.
The commitment to deep self acceptance...to "reteach a thing its loveliness" even if that thing is oneself.
Here are a couple of other pearls:
Well that is what I got out of my day so far....how you doing?
I would even go as far as to say that the above could qualify as sparkles and glitter...wouldn't you?
Be kind to yourselves today...practice self-blessing.
I bow to you in love and acceptance,
lotus girl
P.S. I know I may sound different ( a bit) to my friends and family...but I promise I am not coming home with a shaved head, wearing a robe, and chanting. However, I do think I am coming home different, having arisen from down in the mud...transformed into a sparkling lotus flower...God and Buddha willing. Big ass smooch to you all.
Last night was my first and it started with the following poem:
Saint Francis And The Sow
by Galway Kinnel
The bud
stands for all things,
even those things that don't flower,
for everything flowers from within, of self-blessing;
though sometimes it is necessary
to reteach a thing its loveliness,
to put a hand on its brow
of the flower
and retell it in words and in touch
it is lovely
until it flowers again from within, of self blessing;
as St. Francis
put his hand on the creased forehead
of the sow, and told her in words and in touch
blessings of earth on the sow, and the sow
began remembering all down her thick length,
from the earthen snout all the way
through the fodder and slops to the spiritual curl of
the tail,
from the hard spininess spiked out from the spine
down through the great broken heart
to the blue milken dreaminess spurting and shuddering
from all fourteen teats into the fourteen mouths sucking
and blowing beneath them:
the long, perfect loveliness of sow.
Beautiful huh? But more importantly the message of self- blessing is such a necessary one in our world today. Something that we could all use a bit more of in this world.
The commitment to deep self acceptance...to "reteach a thing its loveliness" even if that thing is oneself.
Here are a couple of other pearls:
- One cannot reteach a thing its loveliness if one is trying to change them.
- A soul or heart will not open in the face of judgement.
- Love expands, but we as humans contract ( to remain safe even though it is an illusion), and then try and protect the contraction...this only proves to keep us separate from one another.
- Love the obstacles in your life. Love the thing that is hurting you. It has a fragrance of the truth in it.
Well that is what I got out of my day so far....how you doing?
I would even go as far as to say that the above could qualify as sparkles and glitter...wouldn't you?
Be kind to yourselves today...practice self-blessing.
I bow to you in love and acceptance,
lotus girl
P.S. I know I may sound different ( a bit) to my friends and family...but I promise I am not coming home with a shaved head, wearing a robe, and chanting. However, I do think I am coming home different, having arisen from down in the mud...transformed into a sparkling lotus flower...God and Buddha willing. Big ass smooch to you all.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Nothing Like a Mentor...
I think everyone needs someone that they can look up to and go to for coaching, whether it be professional or personal. My someone was the infamous hairdresser, John Sahag, until June of 2005 when he passed away from brain cancer.
My hottie husband's mentor is Dwight Miller. Dwight was John's best friend, and his mentor as well.
Dwight lives here in Santa Fe and I just spent the last two days with him.
I got a rock star haircut...which makes me feel pretty again, and not quite so bad about how it has fallen out and changed. I also got the opportunity to hang out with him and hear all the stories about back in the day. He has been hairdressing for 44 years and "loves it more now than ever".
He was a delightful and charming host. He showed me a lot of Santa Fe, and it felt wonderful to be connected to the world again.
More than that though, I have fallen in love with my profession all over again. I have been cutting hair here at my Zen-get away for some of the residents. It is amazing how much everyone loves hairdressers. They have had so many questions, and pure delight in the results.
It is really wonderful to feel like you are contributing to another human being. I think it is the stuff that the juice of life is made of.
So tomorrow marks the end of week two, (Oh fu#&ing YEAH!!! ) and here is my list of what I have learned thus far...
1. There are things we MUST do in this life in order to maintain one's integrity...i.e. swallow handful of vitamins, exercise, eat well rather than eat what one desires... etc. etc. I figure I might as well enjoy these activities rather than suffer( self imposed) thru them.
2. I have really taken way more for granted in my life than I had originally thought. For example, since being here I have not had a car. I have had to walk everywhere... It was on one of these LONG A#% walks that the thought occurred to me that I really take for granted having a car. In addition, I realized that I have taken the quality of my life for granted for a very long time. Little things, like being able to leave your shampoo in the bathroom, not having to wirte your name on everything that you put in the refrigerator, sleeping in, or sleeping in a room where 6 other people do not walk through ALL NIGHT LONG!!!
3. My husband is truly one in a million and I am the luckiest girl on the planet that he chose me to be his wife. I miss his kisses and company so much and I will never choose T. V. over time with him again.
4. When some one offends, upsets, is rude or anything along those lines towards me it is an act of generosity to let it go. Besides it is not personal and it never is....
5. Gossip destroys the human spirit....It is so easy to fall into it even at a Zen center. I am far better served to walk away with a closed mouth.
6. I am closing my mouth more often.
7. I now like to go for walks. When HH ( hottie husband) used to ask me to go for a walk I would say "No thanks, only poor people go for walks...unless it is on the French Riviera" . I had a bad attitude and felt sorry for myself cause I wasn't on the Riviera. (I promise honey to walk with you every night or whenever you ask. And I will be happy about it and consider myself a lucky girl to do so.)
8. Eating healthy can taste great. I just can't be lazy about food preperation any more.
9. When I am out in the real world I realize how much I miss all my stuff...say what you will I am happier having all my girly glittery things.
10. I am getting through this experience a moment at a time, which is the best training for mindful living. However, if I had to be here on a permanent basis I would throw myself in front of a fast moving car.
11. Even though my kids can drive me nuts at times with some of the stupid, thoughtless things that they say or do....I love them with all my heart. I am so lucky to have them in my life on a daily basis. Plus, I really love who each one of them has choosen to be in realtionship with. People are amazed at our family story...and they really think we are good looking as a family. (and here I thought it was just me that was the good looking one...ha ha ha ha ha)
12. My sister is really one of my best friends....thank God for her.
13. My husband is my other best friend. His and my sister's support of me and my life is truly endless.
14. I still love the sits.
15. I still can't wait to go home.
See you all soon...and I will be workin' my rock star haircut, 'n wearing an obnoxious amount of sparkles and glitter.
Rock on,
lotus girl Publish Post
My hottie husband's mentor is Dwight Miller. Dwight was John's best friend, and his mentor as well.
Dwight lives here in Santa Fe and I just spent the last two days with him.
I got a rock star haircut...which makes me feel pretty again, and not quite so bad about how it has fallen out and changed. I also got the opportunity to hang out with him and hear all the stories about back in the day. He has been hairdressing for 44 years and "loves it more now than ever".
He was a delightful and charming host. He showed me a lot of Santa Fe, and it felt wonderful to be connected to the world again.
More than that though, I have fallen in love with my profession all over again. I have been cutting hair here at my Zen-get away for some of the residents. It is amazing how much everyone loves hairdressers. They have had so many questions, and pure delight in the results.
It is really wonderful to feel like you are contributing to another human being. I think it is the stuff that the juice of life is made of.
So tomorrow marks the end of week two, (Oh fu#&ing YEAH!!! ) and here is my list of what I have learned thus far...
1. There are things we MUST do in this life in order to maintain one's integrity...i.e. swallow handful of vitamins, exercise, eat well rather than eat what one desires... etc. etc. I figure I might as well enjoy these activities rather than suffer( self imposed) thru them.
2. I have really taken way more for granted in my life than I had originally thought. For example, since being here I have not had a car. I have had to walk everywhere... It was on one of these LONG A#% walks that the thought occurred to me that I really take for granted having a car. In addition, I realized that I have taken the quality of my life for granted for a very long time. Little things, like being able to leave your shampoo in the bathroom, not having to wirte your name on everything that you put in the refrigerator, sleeping in, or sleeping in a room where 6 other people do not walk through ALL NIGHT LONG!!!
3. My husband is truly one in a million and I am the luckiest girl on the planet that he chose me to be his wife. I miss his kisses and company so much and I will never choose T. V. over time with him again.
4. When some one offends, upsets, is rude or anything along those lines towards me it is an act of generosity to let it go. Besides it is not personal and it never is....
5. Gossip destroys the human spirit....It is so easy to fall into it even at a Zen center. I am far better served to walk away with a closed mouth.
6. I am closing my mouth more often.
7. I now like to go for walks. When HH ( hottie husband) used to ask me to go for a walk I would say "No thanks, only poor people go for walks...unless it is on the French Riviera" . I had a bad attitude and felt sorry for myself cause I wasn't on the Riviera. (I promise honey to walk with you every night or whenever you ask. And I will be happy about it and consider myself a lucky girl to do so.)
8. Eating healthy can taste great. I just can't be lazy about food preperation any more.
9. When I am out in the real world I realize how much I miss all my stuff...say what you will I am happier having all my girly glittery things.
10. I am getting through this experience a moment at a time, which is the best training for mindful living. However, if I had to be here on a permanent basis I would throw myself in front of a fast moving car.
11. Even though my kids can drive me nuts at times with some of the stupid, thoughtless things that they say or do....I love them with all my heart. I am so lucky to have them in my life on a daily basis. Plus, I really love who each one of them has choosen to be in realtionship with. People are amazed at our family story...and they really think we are good looking as a family. (and here I thought it was just me that was the good looking one...ha ha ha ha ha)
12. My sister is really one of my best friends....thank God for her.
13. My husband is my other best friend. His and my sister's support of me and my life is truly endless.
14. I still love the sits.
15. I still can't wait to go home.
See you all soon...and I will be workin' my rock star haircut, 'n wearing an obnoxious amount of sparkles and glitter.
Rock on,
lotus girl Publish Post
Sunday, July 6, 2008
H-E-L-L-O, Anyone Out There??
Wow I feel so abandoned by you guys...hardly any comments at all. Is anyone reading this?
Oh well, even if not it makes me feel better to write it.
Since coming here I have been introduced to a new word, a new way of thinking. The word is impermanence. I mean we all know "nothing lasts forever" , but the concept that when something goes, (i.e. waistline, hair, youth, fortune, love of one's life, health, etc. ) it is as it's meant to be.
I found this book in the library called "201 Little Buddhist Reminders, Gathas for Your Daily LIfe"
by Barbara Ann Kipfer. By the way a Gatha is a short verse that you can recite during the day to help you attend to the present moment. Unlike a mantra, which is the same for all occasions, there are specific gathas for specific activities. The idea is that when one recites the gatha, one focuses one's mind and returns to what they are doing. After finishing the gatha one is said to return to the task at hand with a heightened awareness. Gathas focus on the small everyday things of life and express how everyone and everything is connected. We spend our lives individuating, separating, making one another separate and distinct. Our minds are constantly writing the story of our lives. But this creates suffering. Gathas are meant to help us be in the present moment, stop writing the story, and reconnect to life and people.
The gatha for "awareness of impermanence" is " With precision, I watch the wave of impermanence. The temporariness of everything teaches me the principle of harmony. When I do not struggle against it, I am in harmony with reality."
Here are a few more that I am sending to you...
"life's basic suffering"
Suffering is what I feel when I want to be in a state other than what I am in-wishing I was elsewhere. Suffering is what happens when I struggle with whatever my life experience is. Instead, I take the antidote: resisting less, grasping less, and identifying with things less.
"working out a solution to a problem"
I seek to be grounded in calmness and moment-to-moment awareness. With awareness, I feel creative and see new options, new solutions to problems, and am able to maintain my balance and perspective in trying circumstances.
"integrity"
I choose to do my job and live my life with integrity,compassion, mindful observation and a healthy sense of humor. In both large and small matters, may I always be true to my deepest principles so that my integrity may be a gift to others.
and finally...
"mindfulness"
Mindfulness is loving all the details of my life. Right now, I come back to my breath with mindfulness.
Anyway I thought it was a pretty cool book....I learned something new and interesting that I thought I would pass on to you.
Yesterday I went for a run and ended up getting caught in a hail storm...ouch! But the cool thing is a woman stopped to see if I wanted a ride. I was almost back at the center so I declined but it was nice to see the outreach on her part.
Not much else is happening...same routine as yesterday.
I am a bit more peaceful though. I am practicing being in the moment....it helps given I am still in the habit of counting the moments till I am back home.
In peace and sparkles...
lotus girl
Oh well, even if not it makes me feel better to write it.
Since coming here I have been introduced to a new word, a new way of thinking. The word is impermanence. I mean we all know "nothing lasts forever" , but the concept that when something goes, (i.e. waistline, hair, youth, fortune, love of one's life, health, etc. ) it is as it's meant to be.
I found this book in the library called "201 Little Buddhist Reminders, Gathas for Your Daily LIfe"
by Barbara Ann Kipfer. By the way a Gatha is a short verse that you can recite during the day to help you attend to the present moment. Unlike a mantra, which is the same for all occasions, there are specific gathas for specific activities. The idea is that when one recites the gatha, one focuses one's mind and returns to what they are doing. After finishing the gatha one is said to return to the task at hand with a heightened awareness. Gathas focus on the small everyday things of life and express how everyone and everything is connected. We spend our lives individuating, separating, making one another separate and distinct. Our minds are constantly writing the story of our lives. But this creates suffering. Gathas are meant to help us be in the present moment, stop writing the story, and reconnect to life and people.
The gatha for "awareness of impermanence" is " With precision, I watch the wave of impermanence. The temporariness of everything teaches me the principle of harmony. When I do not struggle against it, I am in harmony with reality."
Here are a few more that I am sending to you...
"life's basic suffering"
Suffering is what I feel when I want to be in a state other than what I am in-wishing I was elsewhere. Suffering is what happens when I struggle with whatever my life experience is. Instead, I take the antidote: resisting less, grasping less, and identifying with things less.
"working out a solution to a problem"
I seek to be grounded in calmness and moment-to-moment awareness. With awareness, I feel creative and see new options, new solutions to problems, and am able to maintain my balance and perspective in trying circumstances.
"integrity"
I choose to do my job and live my life with integrity,compassion, mindful observation and a healthy sense of humor. In both large and small matters, may I always be true to my deepest principles so that my integrity may be a gift to others.
and finally...
"mindfulness"
Mindfulness is loving all the details of my life. Right now, I come back to my breath with mindfulness.
Anyway I thought it was a pretty cool book....I learned something new and interesting that I thought I would pass on to you.
Yesterday I went for a run and ended up getting caught in a hail storm...ouch! But the cool thing is a woman stopped to see if I wanted a ride. I was almost back at the center so I declined but it was nice to see the outreach on her part.
Not much else is happening...same routine as yesterday.
I am a bit more peaceful though. I am practicing being in the moment....it helps given I am still in the habit of counting the moments till I am back home.
In peace and sparkles...
lotus girl
Saturday, July 5, 2008
details continued
Okay so after the 12:20 sit...I then go to lunch where the first ten minutes are in silence. After I finish lunch I am free for the rest of the afternoon until the 5:30 sit which is done exactly like the morning sit. Then it is directly to dinner. After dinner I am free for the rest of the evening.
No talking begins at 9:30 and lights out at ten, however these two rules are very very lax.
Then I wake up and do it all over again.
I miss T.V.
I miss coffee.
I miss my own bathroom and my huge tub.
I miss my bed.
I really miss my dogs.
I really, really miss all of you.
To make matters worse my roomie from Seattle left today. I really miss her too. Good thing is that we will hook up back home.
I am getting by O.K. I have noticed that I do not like the free time so much. I am happier being occupied. So this week I am going to practice spending as much time with myself as possible.
I have already begun to talk less to the people around here. I am just being with myself and my thoughts.
I do go into town a lot. I have begun to visit this beautiful church, St. Francis of Assis. I LOVE being back in the Catholic space. I feel at home there and it reminds me of my childhood so much. I even found a really cool necklace in the gift shop. It is of the Virgin Mother holding Jesus...and it is trimmed in... you guess it...rhinestones! See the catholics get the value in sparkle and glitter. I scooped that right up and I wear it every day to the temple and everywhere else around here too. As far as I am concerned this place could use a little sparkle and glitter.
And finally today marks my 10th day here. I am a third of the way done with my time here. Praise God, Buddah and everyone else that is getting me through this experience. I see value in my time spent here but sista' it ain't easy.
I trust that you are all well. Again I thank you for all your thoughts and prayers.
In gratitude, and sprinkled with glitter,
lotus girl
No talking begins at 9:30 and lights out at ten, however these two rules are very very lax.
Then I wake up and do it all over again.
I miss T.V.
I miss coffee.
I miss my own bathroom and my huge tub.
I miss my bed.
I really miss my dogs.
I really, really miss all of you.
To make matters worse my roomie from Seattle left today. I really miss her too. Good thing is that we will hook up back home.
I am getting by O.K. I have noticed that I do not like the free time so much. I am happier being occupied. So this week I am going to practice spending as much time with myself as possible.
I have already begun to talk less to the people around here. I am just being with myself and my thoughts.
I do go into town a lot. I have begun to visit this beautiful church, St. Francis of Assis. I LOVE being back in the Catholic space. I feel at home there and it reminds me of my childhood so much. I even found a really cool necklace in the gift shop. It is of the Virgin Mother holding Jesus...and it is trimmed in... you guess it...rhinestones! See the catholics get the value in sparkle and glitter. I scooped that right up and I wear it every day to the temple and everywhere else around here too. As far as I am concerned this place could use a little sparkle and glitter.
And finally today marks my 10th day here. I am a third of the way done with my time here. Praise God, Buddah and everyone else that is getting me through this experience. I see value in my time spent here but sista' it ain't easy.
I trust that you are all well. Again I thank you for all your thoughts and prayers.
In gratitude, and sprinkled with glitter,
lotus girl
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